‘Don’t be bossy’: What to say to a friend who tells you they’re experiencing DV

What do I say to a friend who tells me they’re experiencing DV?

Keeping it simple is the best way to start.

This advice comes from Wiradjuri woman Stacey Gately who is the operations manager at Jenny’s Place women’s shelter in Newcastle.

Nobody expects their friend to have all the answers or be a professional counsellor, Stacey says, but “acknowledging and believing what they’re saying” is crucial.

“The generic numbers are always really helpful — 1800RESPECT is a good port of call because then they have access to lots of different service options.”

How can I be respectful of the unique challenges First Nations women face when experiencing DV?

Ronnie Gorrie is a Gunai Kurnai woman who spent a decade in the Queensland Police Force in the 2000s.

Due to Australia’s violent colonial history and past racist legislation that led to the Stolen Generations, Ronnie says Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander women often avoid calling Triple-0 because of “deep mistrust” and “intense fear” of child removal or being arrested themselves.

“We don’t call police at first,” Ronnie said.

“We call our families when we have conflict.”

When police are called to a home after an incident, Ronnie explains it is common that First Nations women are misidentified as the perpetrator because while some men act calm, women are often distressed as they express what they’ve gone through.

“We can be deemed as ‘angry Black women’ when actually we’re in fear,” she said.

“It happens with multicultural (women) as well.”

A 2019 study by Yuin woman Dr Marlene Longbottom found much of the research that guides domestic violence policy is based upon Western concepts of trauma. The First Response Project highlights how the fear, shame and stigma women may feel can prevent disclosure of intimate partner violence. This can be compounded for First Nations women due to systemic racism and traumatising experiences with police, legal and health services.

Like many women, Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander women have a fear of not being believed, according to Stacey, who has worked in women’s shelters for 20 years.

“If someone does disclose to you that they’re experiencing domestic violence, it’s deeply important that you let them know that you believe them,” Stacey said.

Stacey adds there are not enough culturally sensitive services that understand the layers of complexities First Nations women face.

In some cases, survivors who have grown up with family violence don’t realise it is not lawful.

“Often it can be not always having the knowledge that what they’re experiencing is, in fact, not okay, against the law or should look different,” she said.

How do I help a friend escape DV?

When women leave, it’s when they’re in the most danger.

“When you look at the rates of domestic violence-related homicide, overwhelmingly they leave in that period where the power and control dynamic is changing,” Stacey said.

“That is when someone’s leaving or taking that control back away from the perpetrator.”

This contemplation stage can be “catastrophic” and “lead to lethality” so it’s important a service, like Jenny’s Place, is engaged to help plan the escape and navigate the support and court systems if needed.

“If they are planning on leaving a violent relationship, (the specialist service) would do a safety plan with that woman to make sure that it’s done as safely as possible,” she said.

How can I help my friend who has just moved into a women’s shelter?

Many women arrive at a refuge with just the clothes on their backs.

“Ask what they actually need and don’t presume that they do need something or, that they aren’t capable of doing that themselves,” Stacey said, adding that shelters often rely on community donations.

“It might be clothes, it might be a new phone to change the number because for some women they’re being tracked on their phone.”

Shelters make sure practical items like deodorant and tampons are readily available.

“We try to keep some dignity in that space,” Stacey said, so women don’t have to ask.

She adds that leaving everything behind is especially hard for mums, so you could ask if they need anything to help maintain a sense of normalcy for their kids.

“Think about it from a child’s perspective,” she said.

“They’ve left all of their beautiful toys.”

How can I talk to a male friend or family member about his bad behaviour?

Stacey says, depending on your relationship with both individuals, “don’t go home from a from a dinner party where you’ve seen behaviours that don’t sit right with you,” and call it out in a safe way because “you could save someone’s life”.

Ronnie says it’s a tough one, but she will always call it out.

“I just tell them it’s not on, it’s not right,” she said.

“Be supportive to the victim … Be that support network for her because what (abusers) do is try to isolate her and tell her not to make contact with her family.”

You can tell them to contact the Men’s Referral Service on 1300 766 491 or visit www.ntv.org.au — a national counselling, information and referral service to help men who use violence and abuse to change their behaviour.

How do I talk to my young or teenage son about domestic violence and bad behaviour?

Cheryl does a lot of work in the Aboriginal youth sector. Her advice on how to speak to teenage boys or young men about domestic violence is clear.

“How they treat their grandma is exactly how they need to treat young women: with the utmost respect,” she said.

How do I have a conversation with my boss about domestic violence leave from work?

You are

SDGs, Targets, and Indicators

1. Which SDGs are addressed or connected to the issues highlighted in the article?

• SDG 5: Gender Equality
• SDG 10: Reduced Inequalities
• SDG 16: Peace, Justice, and Strong Institutions

2. What specific targets under those SDGs can be identified based on the article’s content?

• Target 5.2: Eliminate all forms of violence against all women and girls in the public and private spheres
• Target 10.2: Empower and promote the social, economic, and political inclusion of all, irrespective of age, sex, disability, race, ethnicity, origin, religion or economic or other status
• Target 16.1: Significantly reduce all forms of violence and related death rates everywhere

3. Are there any indicators mentioned or implied in the article that can be used to measure progress towards the identified targets?

• Indicator 5.2.1: Proportion of ever-partnered women and girls subjected to physical, sexual or psychological violence by a current or former intimate partner in the previous 12 months
• Indicator 10.2.1: Proportion of people living below 50 percent of median income, by age, sex, and persons with disabilities
• Indicator 16.1.3: Proportion of population subjected to physical, psychological or sexual violence in the previous 12 months

4. Table: SDGs, Targets, and Indicators

Copyright: Dive into this article, curated with care by SDG Investors Inc. Our advanced AI technology searches through vast amounts of data to spotlight how we are all moving forward with the Sustainable Development Goals. While we own the rights to this content, we invite you to share it to help spread knowledge and spark action on the SDGs.

Fuente: abc.net.au

Join us, as fellow seekers of change, on a transformative journey at https://sdgtalks.ai/welcome, where you can become a member and actively contribute to shaping a brighter future.